Sunday, March 20, 2011

Petrified

I'm afraid I may have lost a family 'heirloom' and I'm bummed.  I wanted to give it to Lukas, as I am sure he would appreciate its intrinsic value. 

I hadn't thought of this item in quite some time.  But I certainly remember growing up with it on the shelf of my bedroom.  I am also fairly positive I had it when I moved into my first house 20 some odd years ago.  From there however things get pretty fuzzy.

I thought of it a couple of days ago when Mrs. LIAYF showed me a divided box of interesting specimens from the natural world - fossils, slices of rock, and geodes.  She had collected them for several years and recently put them together for him.  I looked at it and thought "I know what would go perfectly as an addition to his collection!"  But I wasn't sure where to look.

That got me thinking.  Where might it be? 

Tonight, I returned to the garage to search for it.  No such luck.  But I did find...

-
 My pickle jar of original Mt. St. Helens ash, that I scooped off the top of a fence at our Southwest Washington state farm back in May of 1980.


My jar of 'soil' from the ground breaking ceremony for Safeco Field, dug up by yours truly back on March 8th, 1997.  No, it's not just another jar of chunky ash.

And...


An old cigar box filled with, among other things not one - but two harmonica's, a few cool old coins dating back to the 1850's, and a mint Topps baseball card featuring perhaps the best right handed pure hitter to ever grace the diamond - Edgar Martinez.  The real value in this card however, is that it proves that Edgar at one time actually ran.

Now as awesome as all of these things are, they were not the item I was looking for.  As a matter of fact the heirloom I was looking for was actually waaaay cooler than any of these things.

Frustrated, and now fearful that I had permanently misplaced my most prized boyhood possession in desperation I turned to Mrs. LIAYF to see if perhaps she had seen it.

"Honey, I seem to have misplaced my petrified turd.  The one my grandpa gave me when I was a boy.  It was found in a fossil field.  Have you see it?"

(Blank stare)

"It's about this high (holding my hands about 8 inches apart) and the bottom is flat so it could sit upright like a sculpture. Ring any bells?

She just replied with an incredulous look "You have a petrified turd?". 

"Well, I did have one."  was all I could muster.

And now I am afraid I may have lost it for good, which is too bad since altough Mrs. LIAYF may not comprehend, I think Lukas would have really understood its value.

15 comments:

Mighty M said...

Lukas would TOTALLY get it. Us wives however.....

Love the crack about Edgar running. Hysterical.

I remember watching Mt. St. Helen's erupt from the backyard of our Vancouver, WA home. But I don't have a jar of ash. And I'm okay with that. :)

Melissa_Loves_Broccoli said...

is there is a boy out there who wouldn't respect a petrified turd?

Homemaker said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Homemaker Man said...

Petrified Turd was the name of my college punk band.

Julianna said...

How could one not understand the signifigance of dino poop?

These are the questions that plague me...

Diplo_Daddy said...

A petrified turd, eh?! Don’t think I’ll be able to top that, at least in my lifetime. I’ve got a neat collection of inflation currency from the Former Yugoslavia, during the 1995-1997 time periods. I’d planned to hand that down to Christopher when he’s old enough, but after reading this, I’ll need to reconsider....

SciFi Dad said...

This is why I hide my memorabilia in a footlocker in our closet. You can't trust a wife to appreciate the value of fossilized feces.

Steve said...

I hardly dare ask, but a petrified turd from what (or whom!)?

Lady Mama said...

I'm sure he would have loved it. However, I'm with your wife 100%. Ew.

Beau said...

Get your shit together, man!!!

I should probably go find my rock collection. I have a coprolite too!

DC Urban Dad said...

Petrified Turd rocks!

Otter Thomas said...

Funny what stuff we assign value too. I have a lot of crap that I don't even remember now if that makes any sense. I think I need to throw more stuff away, but having said that a petrified turd is pretty unique and worth keeping.

PJ Mullen said...

I think Petrified Turd open for Sonic Youth at the Paradise in Boston once.

Whit said...

Did you look in the toilet?

Larry said...

That's just nasty!