Thursday, January 21, 2010

Signs of 'No' Life

I realize that I don't have to tell many of you readers this, but for the rest of you I have to say that this fatherhood gig can be an all encompassing endeavor. Before you know it, your whole world is about your child, which leaves very little YOU time.

With that in mind, here are the Top 10 Signs that SeattleDad is in serious need of some 'Daddy' time.

10. When I see a Firetruck pass by on the street these days, I often exclaim "Wow, a Firetruck!" and make a "Woooooo woo, Whoooo whoo!" sound.

9. I have still not heard a song from newly formed Super group Them Crooked Vultures, yet I have met, attended a concert of, and also follow @casparbabypants on Twitter.

8. The other day as I was walking down a hall, my hand accidentally smacked into the wall. I automatically kissed it to make it feel better.

7. Apparently, I have no qualms eating off his plate, leftover food my toddler has pawed and rejected.

6. Over the past two and a half years, the word most uttered from my mouth: "Buddy". Followed closely of course by "I", "Love", and "You".

5. I have been known at times, to inexplicably start talking to colleagues, in Suessical rhymes.

4. The extent of my workout routine now consists of dragging a 30 pound dead-weight toward the stairs every night at around 7:30 PM.

3. I am often secretly relieved when my son wakes up in the middle of the night, because it gives me an opportunity to go empty my bladder.

2. The other day, after an unknown number of minutes, I realized that I had been sitting in front of the televison completely mesmerized by an episode of 'Max and Ruby' which we had rented for Lukas.

And the #1 sign that I, Seattledad, need more 'adult time':

1. Last night after Lukas had gone to bed, Mrs. called me over to show me something. My response to her:

"Just a minute. I have to go potty first."

26 comments:

DC Urban Dad said...

Hahahahahaha. I hear ya. I used the "potty" reference at work the other day. Perhaps its time for a night out on the town with Mrs. LIAYF.

Mighty M said...

You are too funny - I am laughing out loud! Yep, you are truly a "dad"!! It is amazing how we change, all for our children.

handstowar said...

Kissing your hand after hurting yourself... hilarious. Great list man.

OM said...

I hope when you're sitting for dinner at a large family gathering, you don't forget that if you need anyone to pass anything, just point and shout, "This! This! This!"

Idaho Dad said...

Very funny! This reminds me of a story a friend told me. Mother of a two-year-old, she was flying solo to see family. Her first trip away from the husband and kid. When the flight attendant came around with the drink cart and asked, "Can I get you something to drink?" My friend replied, "I'll just have wa-wa."

ZenMom said...

What? That all sounds perfectly normal to me.

OHN said...

This is a great post.

It could only be written by a parent :)

SciFi Dad said...

Dude, you forgot referring to your wife as "Mommy" after the kids are in bed.

Great list.

Steve said...

LOL.

I could add "getting into the car by myself and happily driving around listening to a nursery rhyme CD for the first 15 minutes".

Dad Unmasked said...

Dude, I can SO relate to #2. I have found myself watching it after kids have left the room!

Eric said...

Somewhere there should be.

"Because it hasn't happened in a few days, you hit yourself in the crotch,"

Captain Dumbass said...

Bwah ha ha! Exactly, brother.

I hate Ruby.

Blogger Dad said...

Funny post. I can definitely relate. Though, my son doesn't go to bed until about 10 pm, most nights.

Dan said...

Could I just say you are on fire at the moment, blogging wise.

As in you're good.

That's all.

Tessasdad said...

Hilarious! Very good stuff...totally relate to #7 (though I think I'm more pathetic since it's pureed veggies), #5 (singing Elmo songs) and #4 (except Tessa's just shy of 20#s).

Jack said...

Years ago I caught myself singing some Wiggles tune. Would have been ok if it hadn't been at the office. ;)

PJ Mullen said...

I woke up this morning humming the theme song to something from Sprout and wanted to give myself a lobotomy. Now go grab that Them Crooked Vultures disc and crank it, it is definitely worth it.

Heather said...

oh yeah, I can relate. Only at ours it usually a tractor rather than a fire engine.

Knatolee said...

I think you and Mrs. LIAYF need a night out on the town by your lonesomes. Lukas can have quality time with the grandparents! :)

SAHD PDX said...

I just recently got the day off from the kids and had no idea what to do. you can add that to the list of signs.

morethananelectrician said...

You have it bad. Beer an strippers might be the only cure....or just hide in a closet for a couple of hours. It is the only chance I get to have some peace.

Lady Mama said...

Oh no! You did NOT say "I have to go potty"! Ahaha! I can relate though - whenever I drive past a digger I automatically point it out. Even if no one's in the car with me.

Daddy Geek Boy said...

Ah man, it's funny cause it's true. Especially the firetruck one.

The man, the dad and the husband said...

This is awesome. I never expected to be this person that I am now but it all came so naturally.

I find myself singing theme songs from catoons all the time, saying 'uh oh' when (grown up) strangers trip and can't remember the last time I used a curse word out loud.

Thanks for the laugh man. Nice to know were all on the same boat - and all the rooms are padded.

Side note - my moment came one day when a mom and child were discussing cinderella's sisters and which one said a phrase. I piped up without thinking and said "actually, it was Drizella. The one in the green dress".

I stopped for a moment with a confused look and me and the girl's mom burst out laughing.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Bwahahahahahahaha!!! That is special! I catch myself alone watching Hannah Montana or wizards of waverly place, or Wonder Pets!

That number one answer is priceless and so true!

Reservoir Dad said...

Very funny. Number 1 is a killer. I have done that myself. I have also gone from having a 'slash' or a 'piss' to having a 'wee'.

cripes!